Bakery Update - How do you choose what you want to be when you grow up?

I think this blog is turning into "How Enna is going to find out what she loves and then figure out how to do it" rather than a "How Enna is going to start a bakery" sort of endeavor.

I read a great blog post on how to find out what you love, and I realized that I don't actually know what I love. I know some things that I like to do, but I'm not sure what I love to do - something that I could do every day and not ever feel like it was "work".

Book Review: The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Finally, after months on the wait list, I received my copy of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas from the library. I was so excited. I love reading fiction about WWII, the holocaust, and Jewish life in general. After being turned into a feature film, I figured, this book must be great! There were some 20 people on the wait list ahead of me, this book must be great! And get this, I came down with a horrifying cold giving me nothing but time to read it! Perfect!

Alas, the book was not all that I wanted it to be.

Enna's Dark Place - just in time for Halloween!

From the ages of about 19 to 24 I suffered from some pretty severe depression. I had been dutifully taught by my parents (through words and example) that psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors were crackpots not to be trusted, and further more, all mental illnesses could be overcome by just not feeling so blasted sorry for yourself all the time.

So when I found myself feeling unloved and unhappy, and failing every time I tried to buck up and get over it, I fell fast and hard into my own pit of depression.

For the most part, I've been out of that pit for almost 6 years. Sometimes it still calls to me, and I walk over there, look down into the darkness at depths I can not seem to forget; I might even flirt with the edge and try to remind myself how comforting it was down in the dark, alone, and closed off from things that tried to hurt me. Sometimes.

My First Small Business Class

I took a "So you want to start a business" sort of course last week. Although it was extremely helpful, I think I left with a LOT more questions than answers. I have had it confirmed to me that I have NO idea what I'm doing.

But wow, if these people can do it, so can I!

I have no idea where I'm going to come up with $35,000 of course, but I'm letting God worry about the money. I'm worrying about the cookies.

Tonight is class 2: writing my business plan.

On receiving answers to prayers

Well, I didn't turn in my two weeks notice.

*sigh*

I went to the temple last week, no, the week before. I did some initiatories, and then I went into the celestial room to seek some much needed guidance. I was feeling so good about quitting, but was also feeling a little bit worried that my desire to quit was overshadowing my desire to follow the promptings of the Spirit.

As I sat and read scriptures, prayed, and thought about options and my life and wanting to do what would make me happy and wanting to do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, I asked specifically if I should go ahead and turn in my notice. I didn't get a yes.

Time to Take That Risk - Update

Phase 1 - teeth are cleaned, eye glass prescription is in hand. Next up: Schedule an appointment to get my tetanus shot (I expire this year).

Phase 2: I got shot down. Hmmm... I think I need a new phase 2.

Phase 3: Drafting resignation letter! Woo hoo! Target date for last day: Oct 16.

Phase 4: I've enrolled in some CCCCD evening seminars that start Tuesday. Yay!

Important question to ponder: Can you start a business without having a lot of money? Okay, with having, like, no money? Everything I'm reading says that loans typically require that the business owner put in their own cash. I'd do it if I had cash! Just how important is this?

Fear, wait, make that Anxiety (Um, this kinda has to do with the bakery)

FDR: The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.

Emerson: Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.

D&C 6:36: Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Time to Take That Risk - Update

Phase 1 - Eye and teeth appointments are made for Monday!

Phase 2 - This morning I went to three local bakeries, cookies in hand, resume in the other.

This has nothing to do with bakeries: Obedience and Following the Prophet

Sunday evening I had a discussion with some friends about why I am having a hard time getting in line with President Monson's letter to the church requesting support for Prop 8. It's been on my mind a lot lately, especially the question of what role obedience plays in the gospel and who exactly commands our obedience...

I think the thing that really has bothered me about the issue is statements like one made by my friend during this discussion. He asked me if I lived during the time of Joshua (in the bible) and was commanded by Joshua (the prophet) to go into this city and slaughter every living thing, men, women, children, babies, animals, what would I do?

More vision!

Is it too early in the process to be thinking about operating hours?

Nah, didn't think so.